Another level of trust

We’ve broken up before. Yeah, crazy, I know. The last time, it took me a while to settle back into my submission. I was angry, for a long time. Ostensibly at him, but really at myself. For being flawed. For being human. For letting my baggage get in my way.

This time, it’s different. I put his collar back on immediately, and happily, with no anger at all. This time, I knew full well that I had fucked up. It’s taking me a long time to fully understand the hows and whys of that fuck up. It’s complicated, and twisted. Not twisted in that fun, perverted way. Twisted as in, all twisted up in my head. But I’m working through it. And I’m becoming a better submissive, a better person because of it.

One of the things he told me, one thing that really hit home, he said that I’m not at all submissive when I’m mad. I’ve been thinking about that. He’s right. My submission fails when my anger gets the best of me. When I give in to that rage.

But when I think about it, I know that every decision he’s ever made for us has been good – good not just for him, but for both of us. I trust him implicitly. I trust him enough to blindfold myself and honor bind myself and let him beat me as hard as he wants, knowing that when I cry Mercy, he’ll stop, immediately, and take care of me. So to submit to him, even when I’m angry – to tell him, I’m mad but I still trust you and I know that whatever you decide is the right thing – whatever you decide, I’ll do – to do that is another level of trust – one that I’m now ready to make.

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